Everything is not fluffy and fun

Well I am not sure what the hell I am doing that much is pretty certain. Today is April 24,2015 I am on this long journey.  I journey which at times (most of the time) is a journey to the brink of hell.  Yes I am a bit pessimistic today I apologize for that.  I suffer from depression and honestly today is one of my "good" days.  No one likes a gloomy person, so I will explain my story shortly.

I have been painting for over twenty years there are times when I am convinced I am great and others where I think I kind of "suck".  At any rate at times I will sell my art, however for disappointing amounts of money and still I don't make much of a living.  I work retail to make up for it.  I recently left a job and got a new one that allowed for more time painting; not so sure that was a great idea but when you have generalized anxiety and depression finding some happiness is very important.

I am at home today my man is at work.  

Having come this far I don't know what to think or believe any more.  Is my lack of "success" do to my moodiness or is it just the way things are.  I honestly can barely live on what I make. Still days go by that turn into years.  I do arts and crafts shows when I can and sell online.  I know if I gave up art I would make more money have a better life and yet I still persist.  I have to ask myself why?  I don't want to suffer. I want to do more than survive. Yes I could teach and have done some instructing only to realize I don't like it and I am not very good at it. For all my efforts I am not much of a success at all.  Yes success is different to everyone but I don't make much with my art.

Yes it's negative but it's the truth I would have made more money flipping burgers with my time then my time on my art.  So again, why?  To paint pretty pictures?

I am not sure why.  I however think art has value and think it sad that most of society does not feel as I do.

At any rate those are my thoughts today.  Yesterday was a "bad" day.  Today is better maybe tomorrow will be better too. I sure hope so.  Over twenty years is a long time to live in limbo.

I have a store at http://stores.ebay.com/blueartmouse feel free to visit and see some art I also have a gallery under Tara Stephanos on dailypaintworks.com