I am still learning about how to blog. Not sure of how it all works. I've been feeling more upbeat.
I painted today. A lovely image of my soft and fluffy kitty. I have lots to learn. Mostly though I am just going to keep going and except myself. Life isn't always easy especially it you are very serious all the time. My man Nathan, (my husband almost except the piece of paper) loves me to pieces and is always joking and happy yes opposites and thank god for that. I can be light and happy when I am with him and he listens. Wow, I must be missing him as I write this. Home alone again working away the day. Soon he will be home and he is my sanity.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Friday, April 24, 2015
Everything is not fluffy and fun
Well I am not sure what the hell I am doing that much is pretty certain. Today is April 24,2015 I am on this long journey. I journey which at times (most of the time) is a journey to the brink of hell. Yes I am a bit pessimistic today I apologize for that. I suffer from depression and honestly today is one of my "good" days. No one likes a gloomy person, so I will explain my story shortly.
I have been painting for over twenty years there are times when I am convinced I am great and others where I think I kind of "suck". At any rate at times I will sell my art, however for disappointing amounts of money and still I don't make much of a living. I work retail to make up for it. I recently left a job and got a new one that allowed for more time painting; not so sure that was a great idea but when you have generalized anxiety and depression finding some happiness is very important.
I am at home today my man is at work.
Having come this far I don't know what to think or believe any more. Is my lack of "success" do to my moodiness or is it just the way things are. I honestly can barely live on what I make. Still days go by that turn into years. I do arts and crafts shows when I can and sell online. I know if I gave up art I would make more money have a better life and yet I still persist. I have to ask myself why? I don't want to suffer. I want to do more than survive. Yes I could teach and have done some instructing only to realize I don't like it and I am not very good at it. For all my efforts I am not much of a success at all. Yes success is different to everyone but I don't make much with my art.
Yes it's negative but it's the truth I would have made more money flipping burgers with my time then my time on my art. So again, why? To paint pretty pictures?
I am not sure why. I however think art has value and think it sad that most of society does not feel as I do.
At any rate those are my thoughts today. Yesterday was a "bad" day. Today is better maybe tomorrow will be better too. I sure hope so. Over twenty years is a long time to live in limbo.
I have a store at http://stores.ebay.com/blueartmouse feel free to visit and see some art I also have a gallery under Tara Stephanos on dailypaintworks.com
I have been painting for over twenty years there are times when I am convinced I am great and others where I think I kind of "suck". At any rate at times I will sell my art, however for disappointing amounts of money and still I don't make much of a living. I work retail to make up for it. I recently left a job and got a new one that allowed for more time painting; not so sure that was a great idea but when you have generalized anxiety and depression finding some happiness is very important.
I am at home today my man is at work.
Having come this far I don't know what to think or believe any more. Is my lack of "success" do to my moodiness or is it just the way things are. I honestly can barely live on what I make. Still days go by that turn into years. I do arts and crafts shows when I can and sell online. I know if I gave up art I would make more money have a better life and yet I still persist. I have to ask myself why? I don't want to suffer. I want to do more than survive. Yes I could teach and have done some instructing only to realize I don't like it and I am not very good at it. For all my efforts I am not much of a success at all. Yes success is different to everyone but I don't make much with my art.
Yes it's negative but it's the truth I would have made more money flipping burgers with my time then my time on my art. So again, why? To paint pretty pictures?
I am not sure why. I however think art has value and think it sad that most of society does not feel as I do.
At any rate those are my thoughts today. Yesterday was a "bad" day. Today is better maybe tomorrow will be better too. I sure hope so. Over twenty years is a long time to live in limbo.
I have a store at http://stores.ebay.com/blueartmouse feel free to visit and see some art I also have a gallery under Tara Stephanos on dailypaintworks.com
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